bye 2008

it's that time of the year again. i am glad that it's the end of year 2008. my quarter life crisis came early. it started this year and i prayed that it will end by today as of 31st december 2008. i actually had a not-so-bad year, but it definitely not the best year in my life. it's been a rocky year; it helps me to understand the line "life is like a roller coaster".

early this year, it was my first time to step into the working life. in this job, it gave me a lot of firsts. my first experience in getting punches, bites, kicks, verbal abusive words (no people actually cussed or swore at me before, i am very serious about this). my first time in dealing with police officers, fire department, medical person, and also my first time in seeing real fire happened in front of me! and they were all related to sweet innocent kids.

the money i was earning this year was little (working with non-profit will not make you rich). however for the peanuts that i was earning, it was sufficient for me to pay for my own bills. for the first time in my life, i did not have to depend much on my family. but sadly, i did not earn enough to send home some money. T_T

i kinda shut down myself this year. i became very quiet. i did not share a lot of my feelings. i might appeared to be a very happy girl, well, i was not. it was all cover up. when looks can be deceiving, well, expressions can be too. i only chose one or two friends to listen to me when i was really down, other than that i just kept it to myself, and i dealt with my own problems.

i almost become an alcoholic and a drug addict (partly wasn't true). until this point, i think i am making a lot of people started to worry about me. =_= oh well, i noticed that i drank a lot this year. i drank with colleagues after works. i felt like drinking whenever i was down. i AM addicted to stouts. i am glad that we did not store liquor in our apartment, so a lot of times, they were just the thoughts of getting drinks, but i did not drink in the end! Hee! as for the drug addiction, it's all because of my sleeping problem. a lot of times, i am very tempted to take sleeping pills. but i did not, cos i was lazy to walk to the pharmacy to get them. so i never had any sleeping pills, but by just having the thoughts of getting those pills is very very bad.

it was actually a depressing year. i missed home so much. my very last grandparents passed away. my dad admitted into hospital and i can barely do anything about it. it got me so worried, i cried when i heard my dad was crying over the phone on freaking father's day. i told mom i need a break, and i went home during summer. it was good to see my family and friends again. And was excited to see bf after such a long time, but was anxious at the same time. i was being extra sensitive to whatever he said or whatever he did not say or do. i called off the relationship a few days before i had to see him. i cried almost every freaking day when i was in penang and i bet no one even noticed about that except my close friends. then it came to a point where i had to make a decision on whether was it worth to fly to KK to see him and not to waste the air ticket that he had already bought me. i was glad that i did fly to see him. i held back my tears so badly in front of him, i wanted to say "hey i love you" so badly but we two were holding it back. i guess we were worn out because of the long distance relationship. until one morning i burst into tears and from there we talked about it, and since then things were great. we got back together and i swear that trip was one of the best in my life!

then back to the states, i was busy with works. i am not happy with works though, there are a lot of reasons but whatever it is, Jan09 is my very last month. i decided to go home as well. i was glad that i made the choice, at the same time, truthfully, i was upset with a broken american dream where i once fought so bad to come over here. well, one day i will be back here, who knows rite.

year 2008 could be a tough year for me but it helped me to see that i was blessed with a lot of nice people around me. i have a long thank you list, but to a few of specific ones:

uncle&auntie, for taking good care of me when i was in portland.
kelly&peh, you guys are so nice and kind! thank you so much for taking me around in seattle and also introducing me the job!
bitchy housemate, thanks for keeping the drama between girls to minimal (LOL), thanks for keeping me accopmpany when i am lonely.
weejian, i hardly say nice things to you but you know i treasure you a lot. thanks for being there for me, and keep me comfort when i cry. i enjoy being '8' with you!
jacob, you are the best listener, you listen and you do not judge. me heart you big big time.
jamie, if only i could understand you better. but you never failed being a great friend to me.
randall, thanks for always encouraging meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! i owe you big one.
pam, keep blogging la you.
sean, you never failed to make me smile. why do you always appear when i am at my loneliest day? ngo oi nei, arrrrrrrrrr. lol
to the one that name shall not be mentioned, you know who you are and your one tight hug makes my day seems brighter. =)
wayne&andrew, i heart you too, especially weiyong. wahahahaa

of cos my zhuzhu also, you make me realize that my life wasn't that bad afterall. wahahaha. i love you la. =p

last but not least, to my donald duck. thanks for believing in daisy when she almost gave up on you. dee, i love you, i really do!

bye la year 2008. i don't want to think about 2008 anymore.

year 2009 treat me better will ya! hopefully this coming new year will bring me a good job, more family times, teach me to love better, a better photography skill, not be broke anymore (i am poor but i am rich in love, mind you), teach me to be patient and kind... there are so many things that i want to do in year 2009. i am so ready for it.

rock on year 2009!

season of love

I know it's the same picture I posted in Facebook, hehe, I am pretty lazy. =)

给我，你 （们）的一封信

最近工作都不开心的。生病了，要请病假也得想了三番四次。 终于请了病假，在家里休息却感到愧疚。 最近干什么事都提不起劲的， 好无聊哦。 脑子里塞满了一堆ideas, 提起了笔却写不出心中的感受，也画不出想要表达的情绪，也说不出一个所以然究竟发生了什么事。 有时候我在想，如果我是那些小孩有多好，不喜欢就可闹别扭，生气了就随性的发泄情绪， 再不来就把自己躲在一个角落搞自闭。 可是回到现实生活中，我却不行； 就因为我是个成年人， 有责任感的成年人。我是一个不喜欢多做解释的人，也不喜欢对某些人做无聊的交代； 人家对我再多的误会，我都学会了一笑而过。随着年龄的成长，也学会了什么事情都好都要看开一点， 从那里跌倒就从那里爬起来，要相信明天会更好，一次的失败代表着又一次的学习。人往往就是嫌恶的，知道你满面笑容过得好好的，他那嫉妒的心就在想要怎样把你那一面面的笑容慢慢的撕下， 人就是那么的自私。还好，我知道也领悟这个道理，愈强要则强， 没什么事情是解决不了的， 再难的问题也有它解决的方式。 我可不是好胜，也不是野蛮， 更不是顽固。我只是知道，未来的日子会怎么样都归于我手中，我可以轻易且不责任的把它画下句点，我也可以毫无意识的过着每一天，但是我选择了快快乐乐的，也要尽我所能的创出一道彩虹来。 人有时候就需要那么多一点点的勇气，多一点点的爱，把自己的人生活得更精彩， 所以啊，从来不要对朋友吝舍的给与关怀，你可能会发现施比获更幸福。我自己呢就挺幸福的啦，子威都对我很好，很想把我的幸福与你分享， 不过话说回来啊，只有你一个人能左右自己的未来，要活得精彩还是遗憾， 就在于你的选择。

梁静茹- 给未来的自己

站在狂風的天臺一望無際
這一座孤獨的城市
在天空與高樓交接的盡頭
誰追尋空曠的自由

陽光覆滿這一刻寧靜的我
隔絕了喧囂和冷漠
川流不息的人遊蕩在街頭
誰能聽見誰的寂寞

找一個人惺惺相惜　找一顆心心心相印
在這個宇宙　我是獨一無二　沒人能取代

不管怎樣　怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣　至少我很堅強　我很坦蕩

夜幕籠罩燦爛的一片燈海
多少人多少種無奈
在星光裏遺忘昨天的傷害
一覺醒來還有期待

我不放棄愛的勇氣　我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住　一個最美的夢　給未來的自己

一天一天　一天推翻一天　堅持的信仰
我會記住自己今天的模樣

有一個人惺惺相惜　有一顆心心心相印
拋開過去　我想認真去追尋　未來的自己
不管怎樣　怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣　至少我很堅強　我很坦蕩

我不放棄愛的勇氣　我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住　一個最美的夢　給未來的自己
不管怎樣　怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣　至少我很堅強　我很坦蕩

未來的你　會懂我的瘋狂

i don't know.

i don't know how should i begin, nor how should i end it.
i don't know what should i keep, nor what should i throw away.

......